Escape

i find refuge in my thoughts of things that may never be
strawberry swing like ecstasy is awaken in me
& from fantasy snaps me back to reality
& I now see this world with ever more magnifing clarity
It seems that I'm forced to accept things by the ways in which they were presented to me
Cause nothing ever comes to you exactly how you want it to be
& yet I guess that's the joy of being a clean slate, a blank page, and empty canvas untainted by anything
Left with nothing but endless possibilities of what could be.

For this month

ima post for this month cause i have yet 2 do so. writing comen along slowly do to lack of motivation. not feelin this summer vacation. ready 2 hit the road & c where life takes me but at the end of the day i wont allow this shit to make me nor break me. i speak indirectly of all thats been goin on i swear if i were a musician i could write about 10 songs.. but im more of a poet to those who knows it, i tell all stories well. & by the end of the month, all,once again will b swell. so until further notice the situation is dead, & anything pertaining 2 it will render an answer of "OH WELL"

through my pen

My eyes swell with water, but i fight it back in
i refuse to let a tear fall cause I cry through my pen
Heart hurts to beat cause of the pain thats with in
but i refuse to let a tear fall cause I cry through my pen
For many years my pen has been my best friend
when no one would listen or when i needed a hand
A confidant I could count on through thick and thin
that help ease the pain and heartache better than man
It never judged or belittled me or my thoughts
it has always been there no matter what time i call
Over the years we've been through  it all
phases in life both big and small
I had a good day today
so I smiled through pen
Shared a few jokes yesterday
so I laughed through it
Last week he pissed me off
so yeah i vented with my pen
But as of right now Im an emotional wreck
and what i need to do most is to cry through my pen
I refuse to let water steam from these eyes
cause its not worth the tears, but I cant seem to hide
the hurt and anguish deep down inside
Something about hurt and pain doesnt fade away
it only adds up, like a volcano ready to erupt
Until one day when I blow up
and it all pours out
And everything comes boiling over in a rush
so strong it could crush the very ground we stand on
So I reach for my pen
as though it were the shoulder of my best friend
And I release a cry so sweet and cleansing to the soul
that when its all said and done the pain has turned cold
I no longer feel a rage of fire and animosity
and things no longer appear to me as a monstrosity
I didnt shead a tear
and let disappointments get the best of me
I just picked up my pen and cried through its ink
to release the stress and disappointment that once had a hold on me.
  -J.Shaw

untitled release

frustration, aggrevation, annoyance, irritation
one in the same, but different as we name them
feelings run rampant and cluster together
overpowered by the upsets that most people weather
control it, confine it, keep it to yourself (keep it together)
cause in present day America your feelings are cared for by only you and no one else
yeah it bothers you, upsets you, and kills your mood
but every mans for themselves, according to the rules
but my presidnet is black, theres a new man in office
he said lets make a change and this is where im gonna start it
so lets cut the games and the crap, kill the imaginary rules cause when following them in the end we all lose
we fail to realize there are things more important that ourselves
and with a mind frame like that we are destined(certaint) to fail
what good can we bring with self obsessed, egotisical, and ignorant morals,
especially if thats what we're teaching to the young ones below us?
small ears and eyes intake and digest everything, even when you think theres no harm to be seen
Barry White( in a different context) once said practice what you preach. no more needs to be said
set the example for the ones that are to follow
instilling  compassion, empathy and friendship leaves hope for tomorrow
and maybe one day the rules will read every man help another, and we'll learn to treat each other like sistes and brothers.

WRITE

OMG.. WRITERS BLOCK, BRAIN FREEZE ITS ALL THE SAME TO ME. ITS HINDERED MY ABILITY TO WRITE AND CREATE INDEFINITELY. :-( COME ON BREAK THROUGH, IM WAITING FOR YOU.

new favorite song

if this song doesn't describe my everyday feeling i don't know what does

More babies

clips that just make u smile

Clip of the day

Another video.. the 1st clip is like oh how cute, but the 2nd clip :-o tht is not a 10yr old singing i swear... and the puppy is just cute... Enjoy!

the babies!

thanks to AOL im on a 2 day roll of chuckle funny baby videos.. enjoy!

clip of the day!

i just thought that the first clip of the baby was "chuckle" funny, and the little break dancer woulda got the breaks beat off him.. lol.. and the dog clip was ok. mayb it would be more impressing if i did mental math.. lol.. have a look see..

REALLY SLEEPY'S?

so i just so happended upon this commercial the other day... it was cool up untill the words started bouncing.. dont get it yet? here have a gander...

RAM NATION!

So i havent been here in a little minute (Even though i planned to be on here more). School kinda started to pick up among other things but im here  now.. Now i know the whole nation is out there watching March Madness with the NCAA tournements going on and everything, and thats what we are here to discuse briefly. the "underdogs" of the tournement seem to rep my colors (black and gold). The people on the court that the nation doubted JUST SO HAPPEN to be my next door neighbors (WOW!), and even more amazing these "underdogs" are now the southwest champions :-o (shocker) They work hard, play hard and SHOW OUT even HARDER. (In case you dont know by now) I'm talking bout that good 'ol VCU- VIRGINIA COMMONNWEALTH UNIVERSITY! BOW! check us out baby bustin' 'em out all ova the place. SLEEP ON US IF YOU WANT TO, BUT UH WE GOING FOR THE SHIP! FINAL FOUR NOW, BUT WE'ER FINAL BOUND! SEE YOU THERE!

Give me strenght

so I'm working on not cursing, @least right now I'm trying to limit myself. My Lent will actually be to give it up completely. But man oh man are my efforts being tested.. I SO long for the day I live alone. Bump that I long for May wen this problem is removed from my living situation. This semester couldn't move any slower if God told it to... I swear people in this apartment are pushing me to limits I never knew existed.. & my God do I need your strength to stay sane & outta jail cause I definitely almost found my way there tonight. Smh...

The Man of My Dreams (6/14/10)

Y'all he was the man of my dreams
everything about him just made me weak
from the color of his eyes to the size of his feet
he was handcrafted & custom made just for me
He was incredible, like perfection to a 'T'
I guess that's why it was his deception I didn't see
For 3 years he was a part of me
emotionally, mentally and physically
You see I was caught up in all the glitz & the glam that he offered me
I was so strung out, I let my guard down and he pounced on me
friends say they tried to warn me, but i just couldn't see
all the damage he was doing to me
one by one I brushed off their accusations
cause they didn't know him like me
A love like ours is what they envied, he always said
where I was is where they wish they could be
& me with all my immaturity that was all I believed
Friends said to be careful and get yourself checked
But for what? He's mine and I'm his that's not an equation that's too complex
I was always taught abstinence, to wait until your married to have sex
BUT WHY? its a natural thing and the body has needs... PPAAA-LEEEASE, waiting is so obsolete
Now when I think back on it, that doesn't sound like me
and that's cause it wasn't, it was the man of my dreams
He lead me to believe that he was the one for me
me with him and him with me for all eternity
Nothing could break our bond & this belief was true indeed
cause our bond grew tighter, now that I can thank him for my HIV
I would love to place the blame and play the unsuspecting damsel in distress
but I'm as much at fault as he is for not going to take the test
And now I clearly see the handcrafted, custom made, perfection to a 'T' man of my dreams
and all the damage he was really doing to me
but at the end of the day half the faults on me, i shoulda protected myself
cause I knew the recipe that,
it takes two to tango in the bed of contracting HIV.
 ©
Mela` J

These kids

Man oh man these kids...
went to go tutor on Wednesday and because the center is short handed with mentors i had two kid: my usual little girl and a little boy. So in this particular day we had stations. There were 7 stations this day and you spend 10mins at each doing something different. So from the minute I got there I said "hey___(child's name goes there..lol) how are you today. This little girl looked at me and rolled her eyes and looked away. PAUSE! So I let it go.  When we get to our 3rd station we were working on a puzzle now idk what was wrong with the little boy but he was acting like he was hard of hearing too, so he left and went with the center director when we got our 3rd station. So the girls brother came in the room and she put on this sad face and kept sayn she wanna go home( which she always does when her brother comes in the room) so or course he asked what was wrong she says nothing then asked her if she needed help with her puzzle she said yes, he proceeds to say then ask your mentor she's sitting right there. I tell him she is not speaking to me today and proceed to try and offer her help as she continues to not listen. So he threatens to tell their mother how rude she was acting, (usually that works) this time it did not.  When we get to our next station instead of asking me to go to the bathroom she goes to the center director, who is helping her brother with his homework, and asks her. Then her brother asks her why she didn't just ask me, as i sit there and watch. PAUSE AGAIN. so we get to our last station of the day. Now at the end of each session you give them points from 0-2 depending on behavior and if they completed what they were suppose to. After almost 2hrs of not talking to me this little girl gonna look at me and say "Do I get a 2?" PAAAAUUUUSSSEEEEE! " OH HELL NAH.. YOU REALLY GONNA SIT HERE AND ASK ME IF YOU GET A 2 AFTER YOU IGNORED ME FOR THE ENTIRE SESSION.. ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW??? (is what i wanted to say) so i just looked at her straight faced and said.. "A-HA no".
SMH these kids

Proactive

sights set...
eyes locked...
sheets gripped...
bed rocked,
AAAHHH...door knocked
but damn it who could it be
on first look its all so apparent to me
its not so much of a friend or an enemy
just "someone" i would rather not see
my mind told me something was wrong
shoulda said stop, (when it didnt feel right to me)
but passions were flowing
& feelings were nice for me
but now I'm sitting here full of anxiety
for you see something has happened to me
because of my own stupidity, its not like i didn't know
i just chose not to cross my "T's" & dot my "I's"
now I'm in a situation where I'm forced to realize
how the consequences of my mistakes can be my demise
The looks on your faces tell me your kinda confused
but I'll fill in the blanks, because my captive audience I don't wanna lose
the full story is as follows:
stranger across the room...
sights set...
eyes locked...
sheets gripped... (missing link)
condom popped
aha what a bed rock
realization
now hearts racing, minds pacing
Rite Aid pharmacy, tryna buy a Plan B
do as the directions say
period is SUPPOSE to be here in a week
hoping and praying like never before
but three days after that week knees hit the floor
for God has not forsaken me and I feel that i can relax once more
Wake up in the middle of the night
to realize I've only closed one door
panic sets in and i cant get back to sleep
as soon as 9am hits i set out to meet
the doctor at the clinic up the street cause
I shoulda been tested for STD's last week
after two frantic weeks of waitin and anticipating all results are in
I'm in the clear for now but every three months for the next 2 years I have to check in
just to make sure there is nothing lying dormant from him
but see all this could have be avoided if i just used the knowledge from within
I already knew the "know how's" and i have no one to blame but me
so to prevent a situation such as the one I've portrayed 
here are three vital rules for you to take away
rule one: check the expiration date for yourself
rule two: make sure the packaging isn't tampered with as well
and rule three:  if all else fails carry your own
cause the responsibility of protecting yourself isn't placed on the  man alone
women its time to be proactive when it comes to your health
cause the contraction of STD's is killing off our community
and so many young girls are dealing with teenage pregnancies
because no one ever taught them that prevention was better than cure
see I gave you three rules now im gonna give you a challenge
to teach at least 3 young girls the rules of being proactive.
                    -J.Shaw©

I dont like this

so all day I've been feeling really ugh.. idk if its cause I'm getting ready to go back to school  or if its just not a good day for me. But i have this feeling like a need let something out. What I have no idea, but it is killing me. I feel like a needa good cry, but I'm not a cryer so that must mean something, expect i have no idea what the hell is going on with me right now and this shit is driving me crazy. no amount of prayer has made this go away and i think i just might have to find a way to make myself cry, but then what if that doesn't help and i still feel this way, then i cried for nothing. UGH WHAT THE HELL IS WITH ME. i guess its life.. ah well..hopefully this too shall pass. EH

A thought of you

(I wasnt gonna post this but i thought y the hell not, i wrote it a LONG time ago soo, here goes)

The things I wanna do to you
I can’t explain to you

I can’t wait to get next to you
and have my way with you

The way you hit it from behind
and when you do that slow grind
ooooo it blows my mind

All day I can’t wait
to make it home to you

And do all the things
that you want me to

I know everything you like
and that is just what I will do

Never been a fan of goen down
but I do it for you
cause I love the expression on your face when I do

And I love the way you say my name
when that shit get to good for you

And you don’t wanna go out like a ‘punk’
so that’s when I get to riding you

But you wanna take command
so I lay back and let you do what you do

And today you’re on an all time high
I can tell by the way your hands are gripping my thighs

We move from the bed to the floor
you get it right on the walls and the doors

With a simultaneous grind
we reach climax…
then relax …and I go to sleep
from the sound of your heartbeat.

           - J.Shaw©

RELIEF

words can not describe, the fire I feel inside

the things I want to do, when I get my hands on you
the ease you bring to me, is nothing short of heavenly
you have the ability to relax me physically, mentally and emotionally
every time we meet its all so new to me
each experience is unforgettable and engraves within me distinct memories
I cant be without you for to long cause it puts me in misery
that's why I'm glad that you live so close to me
no need to hit you up on facebook, shoot you a text, or call
whenever I wanna see you I just walk over to my desk and that's all
see this is not about a person and this is not about sex
this is an entirely old fashion way to relieve stress
its a little something I like to call 'paper and pen'
so when all else fails... this is where I begin

       -J.Shaw

Ahhhhh NO!

where did winter break go?!?! Sigh... I am so not ready for scool right now. I mean  it seems like I just started break so how is it that it is now over? Where in the heck did time go? I guess I have no choice bt to get back in school mode cause these classes aint gonna wait for me 2 be good & ready to start, cause if that was the case classes would never start. Haha. (T-minus 9 days until classes start) :-(